God’s Undeniable Mercy

Before God showed me His undeniable mercy, I was a drunkard. Every day, an overwhelming obsession with consuming alcohol overtook my soul. I couldn’t bear facing life without drinking. Alcohol help ease the emotional pain caused by life circumstances. At first, the whiskey blocked out my despair, but when alcohol could no longer drown out the mental torture, I couldn’t quit drinking.

I found myself in a destructive cycle where alcohol ruled my mind, body, and spirit. Everything I tried to abstain from it failed. Geographic changes, switching peer groups, and swearing never to drink again had no effect. In fact, from those efforts, it worsened.

The Hopelessness of Alcoholism

My first experience with alcohol came when I was around ten years old. The family loves celebrating the New Year’s holiday with wine. So, I managed to sneak several sips from a few unattended cups. After a few minutes, a fuzzy feeling came over me. Then I ate some ice cream and got sick. I told myself I wouldn’t drink again. But the oath of “never again” failed to take root.

My dad enjoyed drinking. When I was eleven, my favorite fantasy was pretending to drive his car. I climbed inside the driver seat, clutched my hands on the steering wheel, and drove off to “never-never land.” One day, I reached under the seat and pulled out three half-empty Canadian liquor pints. I stole one, snuck into the woods, and guzzled it. It had a nasty taste and a burning sensation as it filtered down my esophagus. Not long afterward, I became drunk. And when alcohol effects subsided, a craving for more emerged.

As a preteen, I was unable to purchase alcohol. My relentless compulsion for liquor needed attention. The solution to this dilemma came when a new family moved into the neighborhood, and I became a friend with Roger and his older brother Terry. They supplied me with alcohol.

Besides Terry’s ability to purchase beer, he turned me onto marijuana. This first-time encounter with weed and the euphoria from its effects sealed my alcoholic fate. The combination of alcohol and weed promised me relief from life’s unfair terms but led me into the hopelessness of alcoholism. My mental, spiritual, and physical condition deteriorated.

Consequences from my alcoholism began to surface. Blackouts, hangovers, and violent outbursts emerged between thirteen and twenty-two. For example one day I woke up with a black eye and a swollen face, not knowing what had happened. They had to beat me up to stop my out-of-control behavior. The slurred speech led my mom to book an appointment with the Easter Seal for a possible speech impediment. My speech wasn’t the problem because the alcohol caused this problem.

Sobriety

In the spring of nineteen eighty-five, I called my mom and asked to return home. She agreed and would be in for a surprise. So, I packed my belongings (two small trash bags of clothes), hopped in the car, and drove the four-hour trip. Hungover from several nights of partying and shaky hands made the journey challenging.

When I arrived home and walked into the house, my mom saw the devastation. Her youngest son didn’t resemble the one she remembered. She saw a young man confident to enter the world with dreams and ambition just three years prior. Instead, she witnessed a frail boy who weighed one-hundred and ten pounds with baggy clothes and a sunken face caused by alcohol abuse. She cried. Her tears weren’t joyful. No, they showed terror and bewilderment. And for the first time, I noticed how my alcoholism and drug addiction affected my loved ones.

One of the stipulations for my return home was abstaining from alcohol. During my alcohol detoxification phase, physical shakes, and hot and cold sweats emerged. It took three or four days for the liquor to leave my body.

Mom, eager to help, went into action and found a psychologist. His name was Mr. Barfield. After my first session with him, he suggested I attend Alcoholics Anonymous. I started attending their meetings.

It was in A.A. that I heard God’s call. I listened and began following Him. God showed He was the one who rescued me from alcoholic destruction. He showed me mercy, and I stayed sober for eighteen years.

In my first fifteen years of sobriety, my faith in God stayed active. I prayed and relied on His strength. But the next three years, I stopped praying and lived a complacent faith. During this time, my trust shifted from placing it in Him to relying on myself. The results from self-assurance ended with a return to drinking.

Because I didn’t grow in faith, the defense against Satan’s attacks remained elusive. My marriage wasn’t good, and the devil seized the opportunity to lure me away from God. She served me divorce papers. It shocked me. I couldn’t believe she didn’t love me. Devastation set in, and I became outraged at her decision to permanent separation. The devil saw my lack of trust in God and led me back to alcoholism.

A Miserable Return to Alcoholism

You must be wondering why I returned to drinking. The main reason for this unwise decision was that God wasn’t my top priority. He wanted me to understand life apart from Him isn’t worth living. And He knew a miserable return to alcoholism would teach me a lesson of repentance.

As mentioned above, the divorce caused me mental and spiritual turmoil. Anger, bitterness, resentment, and self-pity became unbearable. My heart hardened, and my soul stayed in a constant disturbance. Because I turned away from God, my only option for relief was alcohol.

So, I picked up the bottle and began an eight-year alcoholic binge.

My life took a turn for the worse. Blackouts, violent actions, and powerlessness over alcohol returned with intensity. Resentments, rage, and vulgarity became unmanageable.

My family avoided me like the plague. They stopped inviting me to their gatherings because my drinking caused embarrassment. I became furious at their choice to exclude me from their celebrations leading to heavy drinking.

Besides the effect alcohol had on my physical and emotional deterioration, my mental status became delusional. For example, I drank beer with a high level of alcohol per volume and convinced myself I was drinking grapefruit juice. So, therefore, I wasn’t getting drunk.

Alcoholism began affecting my finances. I spent most of my money on purchasing liquor. In return, having enough currency to pay bills became problematic. Late payments and additional fees associated with them caused financial troubles. And arriving at work with the smell of alcohol coming from my body led to termination.

These are a few examples of the effects alcohol had on me when I began drinking again. There were many other adverse outcomes.

God’s Undeniable Mercy

One day I got on my knees and asked for help. He answered with His undeniable mercy. God brought me back to His kingdom and stopped my eight-year rebellion. Today I thank God for showing me mercy. For I know, it’s Him who spared me from eternal condemnation. I’m forever grateful for His incredible forgiveness.

When the Lord blessed me with His compassion, He allowed me time to repent. Because of repentance, God placed me in Christ, anointed me with The Holy Spirit, and regenerated my life. My heart was sanctified through Jesus’s blood and freed from the chains of addiction.

God’s mercy has a profound and astonishing effect. His gift of salvation guarantees us a place in heaven. But the most exceptional demonstration of God’s mercy is sacrificing His Son for the forgiveness of sin (1 Peter 2:24).

When Christ died on the cross, God showed the world mercy, for He made salvation available to the Jews and gentiles. But only those who sincerely believe Christ is God’s Son and the only way to heaven are welcomed.

God’s undeniable mercy isn’t new.

When Adam and Eve fell from His grace (Genesis 3:1-19), He didn’t abandon them. Instead, He showed them mercy by providing a way back into His favor (Genesis 3:22).

Many of the Old Testament scriptures bear witness to God’s incredible leniency. His chosen people, the Israelites, kept disobeying His commandments. He would discipline them by enslaving them to pagan rulers. But after time, He granted them mercy by freeing them from their captors. Their disobedience happened several times.

By the time Christ arrived, the Jews were under Roman law. They understood God promised them a Messiah. They expected this person would free them from their captivity. But that wasn’t God’s plan. No, He sent His Son to save them from their disbelief.

God used Jesus to show the Jews mercy. For in His plan of salvation included sacrificing Christ. But they refused to listen and ended up calling for His death. They sealed their eternal damnation.

As shown above, God gave me mercy. He will do the same for you. Christ crossed our paths, and together we work for God’s purpose. Peace be with you, and God bless you, my friend.

What’s your experience with God’s mercy?